My anxiety journey
I’ve never shared much about my anxiety journey and I realised that what I have learned may be of value to others who are going through the same thing. Mental health is a big issue these days. People are starting to come out of the closet and talk about it, which is great because then we can really start learning and helping each other through it. I also know that the next generation of kids are dealing with lots of anxiety issues too, due to the fast pace of life, more screen time, social media and a pressure to be perfect. Which is ridiculous, as we are all an individual reflection of the divine. We are perfectly perfect, being who we are, ourselves.
My struggle with anxiety over the past 20 years has led me to this point, it has forged me into the woman I am today. Anxiety is not my enemy, it is my body communicating with me. I have to listen to my body’s messages, or else I’m in trouble. My trouble is a kind of physical, mental, emotional anguish. It affects my moods, my energy levels and my ability to socialise. It didn’t start out like this, it was much more of a physical thing.
I remember when it first raised its ugly head, this anxiety. When I was 23 years old and had gone to work at a desk job. Previously I was a waitress by day and student by night, I was studying Shiatsu (Japanese acupressure) and Traditional Chinese Medicine. It was a very big sign for me that by taking a desk job I was on the wrong path in life, but it took me a long time to see it, sometimes we have to learn the hard way. My anxiety manifested as nausea, pain in my chest, stomach and diaphragm. I tried changing my diet, from vegetarian to eating some meat again (ha ha). This of course led to chest pain or panic attacks. Which took me to the GP very quickly, I thought I was having a heart attack, which is what most people with anxiety think at first.
No I was not having a heart attack, my lovely GP informed me it was panic attacks, anxiety and depression affecting my body. My options were take anti depressants or read this book called The Black Dog. It sounds ridiculous now that they were my options but actually the book was very easy to read and informative, the panic attacks stopped. It took me a while to sort out my pain and nausea, trying a bunch of different vitamins and therapies including Acupuncture, Traditional Chinese Medicine, Yoga, Meditation, Reiki and of course Shiatsu.
If you haven’t experienced depression before, it feels like you are in constant melancholy. I could not feel the sun warming my skin and giving me pleasure. I could not see the blue sky and feel a sense of joy and gratitude. I became so stuck in my heart Chakra I felt it as a physical heaviness dragging me down, holding me back. I lost my spark, my enthusiasm, my motivation, my tolerance, my joy. It felt like my body was disjointed in the middle. I wasn’t even aware of how I was actually feeling until my GP told me I had anxiety and depression.
It went away after a few months, little did I know that anxiety and depression would always be with me, I had to learn to ride it like a wave, ups and downs like the ocean. My inner world would forever be tumultuous. I had to learn to go with the flow, discover my healthy limits physically, mentally and emotionally. Diet, exercise, meditation, relaxation, feeling connected, having meaningful relationships, finding my true path.
Listening to my what my body and soul needs, is where I find my peace and calm. If I don’t listen I would be in a constant state of pain, mood swings and self torture. I had to learn my triggers. If I drink a sugary treat like a coke, I feel it the next day as a cloud in my head and a bad temper. If I haven’t released endorphins by exercising for a week I start to feel heavy, sad and melancholy. If I haven’t meditated for a week I start to feel my temper brewing and I have trouble controlling my thoughts and emotions. If I have a really busy week with no down time, which is very rare these days, my head becomes scattered and I lose focus. If I don’t spend quality time with family and friends I lose my sense of joy. If I don’t spend time doing the things that are important to me, I feel a sense of foreboding, like nothing really matters. So you see, life is a great balancing act. My life is pretty well organised around keeping me happy and calm. Perfect.
I have found this all out by trial and error and I’m ready to share my knowledge with those who are suffering from anxiety and depression. As an Energy worker we believe that all illness/wellness starts in the energy system, from limiting beliefs, negative thoughts and family energy patterns also known as generational trauma. When these issues aren’t released and replenished it becomes so heavy and stuck that it blocks our physical body from functioning properly. This is where illness starts. I had to learn that anxiety is not my enemy, it is my body communicating with me and I must learn to listen.
Tuning in to the source of my pain and dis-ease by learning about the Chakras, is how I have learnt most about what I need to be healthy and happy. When we can tune into our bodies like tuning a tv set, we are on our way to healing ourselves and learning to create harmony and balance in body and soul.
I am running a workshop on Anxiety by learning how to tune in to your Chakras at Urban Wellness soon, if you are interested or know of anyone who might be please forward this on and contact me at tonishealingroom@gmail.com
Learning to read the ‘Signs’ in life
It seems people have become so rational in our thinking over the last century we have forgotten how to read the ‘Signs’ life offers to us on a daily basis. We are spiritual beings having a human experience after all, we need to learn how to make sense of the signs we notice and most of all learn from our experiences. The reason I chose this topic is because I had a big Sign recently, on NYE I broke my ankle. So simple, my higher self telling me I needed a break! Yes I did, I needed some quiet time to sit and just be, to take me back to myself. We often ignore what is going on within, we plod along and hope for the best without really understanding what is going on in our inner world. It’s time to read the ‘Signs’.
Signs and Symbols
Some people call it fate, synchronicity or God’s plan; learning to read the signs and how to follow them is an integral part of our human experience. Many native cultures throughout the world have been reading signs throughout the ages, animal totems, the stars, all of them signs and symbols there to show us the way to our higher path. We are here to learn from our experience.
How to read the signs in life
Synchronicity is when multiple signs focus our attention on a path.
- Visualise what you want
- Revisit your vision daily
- Get emotional about what you want
- Reflect nightly on the clues you found
- Surrender to the divine order or God’s plan
Following the signs
A sign may be a song or a quote we encounter over and over again, a person who reminds us of someone we know, a symbol that keeps popping up, an animal that shows itself to us more than once, or our bodies with a niggling complaint. It’s easy to correspond a problem with a part of the body;
A headache means your thinking too much.
A stomachache means your emotions are tied up in knots.
A sore leg means your not moving forward in life.
A sore throat means your not swallowing your reality, and/or that you need to speak up.
If we listen and look closely to what our Higher self/God/Universe is presenting to us in more than one sign with the same meaning, it will lead us on a journey that is more in line with our higher path.
Surrender
It is easy to fall into the trap of finding meaning and to have forced connections because we want them to happen. To ensure we are reading the signs correctly we must start with an open and clear mind. This is where meditation and mindfulness come into play, we must work on ourselves to be able to use our intuitive abilities correctly. With a clear mind, we will simply know it is right because it flows smoothly. We will not choose paths when we are worried or filled with doubt or desire for life to be different. We must surrender our desires to our Higher self/God/Universe, whatever you like to call it, and trust that life will play out for you as it should. Keep asking questions, look and listen patiently for the answers.
Peace & Friendship,
Toni xx
Mother Nature teaches us balance
The perfect balance of Mother Nature awes me. Sitting here on a short holiday ‘a break’, I have a view of the Flinders Ranges on one side, The Middle Back Ranges the other, the mangroves and the saltbush. A family of swallows flit around and entertain me with their dainty maneuvers. A crow caws, the sky is clear and vast. The sun bakes down and the wind blows to keep me cool.
The only shelter is the shack itself, the verandah and my straw hat. This place was built by my Great Grandfather George. George and Jessie lived in Carrieton, near Port Augusta and moved to Adelaide after the Second WW. My Grandfather Eric was born and bred in Carrieton, Dad told me that he went out to work at 16 riding fences. He would be out on his own with 2 horses for a week at a time at properties near The Dutchman. The Dutchman is the sharp peak you can see near Port Augusta.
My family have been coming to this place for family getaways and fishing trips for 5 generations. It was built around 1955, a corrugated iron shack with 2 sheds and a long drop dunny that has only recently been upgraded to a flush. It runs on rain water, gas appliances and the only power it has is what we bring with us. I remember my Grandma Norma cooking roasts and cakes in the old wood oven. The oven is gone now, it was rusted out. You see every year in winter, on a KIng tide and strong winds the water from the creek rises and floods the shack, to about 40cm.
Dad takes us out fishing and crabbing on the boat. I learnt to catch fish here. There used to be a lot of King George Whiting here, a favourite, but the top of the Gulf has been fished too much and we don’t catch many whiting anymore. Mother Nature needs balance to survive. We went Canoeing this morning, my Dad and I, ‘very pleasant’ he remarked. Pleasant for the adults yes, but the kids love it here. My boy Bodhi is 5, he loves the freedom, no shoes, no helmet, no worries. They gets to explore the land on their own. I learnt to ride a bike here when I was a kid. We walk in our rubber boots and get stuck in the mud, my girl Coco who is 8 learns to overcome her fears.
I love that my kids get to experience this land and to love it just as our ancestors have. To know the mud, the smell of the saltwater and mangroves, to appreciate the life and land that on first appearance looks desolate. The Kangaroos, Emus, Snakes, Lizards and Wombats still live around here, every now and then you meet one. The Marine life is beautiful, the Fish, Seagrass, Shellfish, Stingrays, small Sharks and Dolphins. It is after all Winninowie Conservation Park.
Being here is a release, we let go of our normal existence of being addicted to our phones, computers and television – to busyness of modern civilisation. Here in this place, we slow down, to the rhythm of the Earth and Sky, we find a balance with Mother nature. Sitting in silence, the sounds of the birds and insects to listen to, my body slowly relaxes. Releasing the fears and worries that i normally carry with me. My mind clears of useless clutter and i just sit. I notice the shadows move with the sun. The world becomes huge again, like when i was a child looking up. The sky is vast, my little heart slowly releases it’s grip, and i sink into my place which is right here, right now. Where my ancestors sat too, I drink in the glorious view. I forgot what it’s like to be here, 2 years is a while. I didn’t want to come, ‘it was too far’, ‘a hassle to pack and drive for 4 hours with the kids’. In the end I always say yes to a holiday because I know it’s good for me, I know I will have a good time. It’s so peaceful here, I remember why we come here. The quiet. The freedom. The spectacular view. The stars at night. The Campfires. The family time. The break. The balance to our busy life. Mother Nature teaches us balance.
