Relationships will test your energy

One of the things I’ve come to understand through 24 years of partnership is this: People don’t always grow at the same pace, in the same direction, or at the same time. And honestly… that can be hard. Relationships will test your energy!

There is a concept found across many traditions and approaches to personal growth that suggests the energy and beliefs we carry influence what we experience and how we respond to the world around us.

We see versions of this idea in the Universal Laws, in psychology, in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and in the philosophy behind the EMPR Method.

Because when you’ve been with someone for a long time, there will inevitably be moments when you simply don’t vibe. One person may be changing, questioning, growing or wanting something different, while the other is quite happy where they are.

One may feel unsatisfied, the other may want more connection. While one may need change, and the other wants things to stay exactly as they are. And this is where relationships can really challenge us.

We don't always grow side by side.

Over the years, I’ve had to learn something that I have, at times, really rallied against: You need to accept him as he is. Oh… how I have resisted that one!

Because acceptance doesn't necessarily mean I agree with everything you do.

It doesn't mean I stop having needs, wants or boundaries. And it certainly doesn't mean I abandon myself to keep someone else happy.

For me, it has meant learning to accept that his journey is his journey, and mine is mine. Sometimes we grow together, or one of us grows first and the other catches up later. And sometimes we grow in completely different ways.

Keep talking, keep showing up, keep listening and keep being willing to see yourself as well as the other person.

Because true partnership isn't about two people being perfectly aligned all of the time. It's about learning how to navigate the differences; it's about patience, compassion and care. It's compromise and being able to connect with someone where they are, without losing yourself in the process.

One of the biggest shifts for me has been learning how to lead myself without constantly needing another person's approval, permission or attention.

Learning to be content in my own company and to articulate my needs and desires without blame or shame. Being open enough to genuinely listen when my partner speaks. And humble enough to apologise when I've played my part.

Then caring enough to actually do something with what I've heard.

The people we live with and love are usually the ones who cop most of our shit!

Our complaints, our opinions, our anger, our grief, our fears, our bad moods, and

our negative energy. And sometimes we forget to offer them a little grace for putting up with us too. Relationships aren't easy, they will test your energy.

We all arrive with our own baggage, beliefs, expectations and learned behaviours about what love, partnership and family are supposed to look like.

And then, we add children, extended families, friendships, workplaces and all the other humans we encounter along the way. It's a lot.

Which is why becoming conscious of our own energy, beliefs and behaviour is such powerful work. Not because everything that happens to us is our fault.

We can pause, we can become curious, we can communicate, we can set a boundary, we can apologise, we can choose compassion and we can choose to let go. And sometimes, we can choose to walk away. Because acceptance doesn't mean accepting everything. You still get to choose who and what remains in your life. At the end of the day, it is your life. You are the one who gets to choose how you show up in it.

Where in my relationships am I trying to change or control someone else's journey?

What energy am I bringing into my relationships right now?

Sometimes the greatest shifts begin with simply becoming conscious of what has been happening beneath the surface. If you’re ready to understand yourself more deeply, shift the patterns that keep you stuck and create more conscious, connected relationships, I’d love to support you on that journey. Book a free introduction call on the link below.

Peace and love, Toni xx