My anxiety journey

my anxiety journey

I’ve never shared much about my anxiety journey and I realised that what I have learned may be of value to others who are going through the same thing. Mental health is a big issue these days. People are starting to come out of the closet and talk about it, which is great because then we can really start learning and helping each other through it. I also know that the next generation of kids are dealing with lots of anxiety issues too, due to the fast pace of life, more screen time, social media and a pressure to be perfect. Which is ridiculous, as we are all an individual reflection of the divine. We are perfectly perfect, being who we are, ourselves.  

My struggle with anxiety over the past 20 years has led me to this point, it has forged me into the woman I am today. Anxiety is not my enemy, it is my body communicating with me. I have to listen to my body’s messages, or else I’m in trouble.  My trouble is a kind of physical, mental, emotional anguish. It affects my moods, my energy levels and my ability to socialise. It didn’t start out like this, it was much more of a physical thing.

I remember when it first raised its ugly head, this anxiety. When I was 23 years old and had gone to work at a desk job. Previously I was a waitress by day and student by night, I was studying Shiatsu (Japanese acupressure) and Traditional Chinese Medicine. It was a very big sign for me that by taking a desk job I was on the wrong path in life, but it took me a long time to see it, sometimes we have to learn the hard way. My anxiety manifested as nausea, pain in my chest, stomach and diaphragm. I tried changing my diet, from vegetarian to eating some meat again (ha ha). This of course led to chest pain or panic attacks. Which took me to the GP very quickly, I thought I was having a heart attack, which is what most people with anxiety think at first.  

No I was not having a heart attack, my lovely GP informed me it was panic attacks, anxiety and depression affecting my body. My options were take anti depressants or read this book called The Black Dog. It sounds ridiculous now that they were my options but actually the book was very easy to read and informative, the panic attacks stopped. It took me a while to sort out my pain and nausea, trying a bunch of different vitamins and therapies including Acupuncture, Traditional Chinese Medicine, Yoga, Meditation, Reiki and of course Shiatsu. 

If you haven’t experienced depression before, it feels like you are in constant melancholy. I could not feel the sun warming my skin and giving me pleasure. I could not see the blue sky and feel a sense of joy and gratitude. I became so stuck in my heart Chakra I felt it as a physical heaviness dragging me down, holding me back. I lost my spark, my enthusiasm, my motivation, my tolerance, my joy. It felt like my body was disjointed in the middle. I wasn’t even aware of how I was actually feeling until my GP told me I had anxiety and depression. 

It went away after a few months, little did I know that anxiety and depression would always be with me, I had to learn to ride it like a wave, ups and downs like the ocean. My inner world would forever be tumultuous. I had to learn to go with the flow, discover my healthy limits physically, mentally and emotionally. Diet, exercise, meditation, relaxation, feeling connected, having meaningful relationships, finding my true path.

Listening to my what my body and soul needs, is where I find my peace and calm. If I don’t listen I would be in a constant state of pain, mood swings and self torture. I had to learn my triggers. If I drink a sugary treat like a coke, I feel it the next day as a cloud in my head and a bad temper. If I haven’t released endorphins by exercising for a week I start to feel heavy, sad and melancholy. If I haven’t meditated for a week I start to feel my temper brewing and I have trouble controlling my thoughts and emotions. If I have a really busy week with no down time, which is very rare these days, my head becomes scattered and I lose focus. If I don’t spend quality time with family and friends I lose my sense of joy. If I don’t spend time doing the things that are important to me, I feel a sense of foreboding, like nothing really matters. So you see, life is a great balancing act. My life is pretty well organised around keeping me happy and calm. Perfect. 

I have found this all out by trial and error and I’m ready to share my knowledge with those who are suffering from anxiety and depression. As an Energy worker we believe that all illness/wellness starts in the energy system, from limiting beliefs, negative thoughts and family energy patterns also known as generational trauma. When these issues aren’t released and replenished it becomes so heavy and stuck that it blocks our physical body from functioning properly. This is where illness starts. I had to learn that anxiety is not my enemy, it is my body communicating with me and I must learn to listen.

Tuning in to the source of my pain and dis-ease by learning about the Chakras, is how I have learnt most about what I need to be healthy and happy.  When we can tune into our bodies like tuning a tv set, we are on our way to healing ourselves and learning to create harmony and balance in body and soul.

I am running a workshop on Anxiety by learning how to tune in to your Chakras at Urban Wellness soon, if you are interested or know of anyone who might be please forward this on and contact me at tonishealingroom@gmail.com